My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
