so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
