if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
