He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
