My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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