i just wanna soil my oats bro
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
