This is not my ceiling
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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