I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
