Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
