Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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