You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
