Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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