I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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