In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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