I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
