wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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