I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
