Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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