Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
