I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we're making bets on your personal life
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
