My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
