Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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