I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
