your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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