Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
thus making me awesome and them whores
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
