My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
