I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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