Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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