WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
