You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
