just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
