Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
