she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
