i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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