I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
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