My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
