she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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