just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
