I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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