My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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