First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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