Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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