When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
