I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
