She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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