I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
