I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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