they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
