my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
we should paint friendship bongs
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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