Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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